one day down.

When we got to Ben's school at 3pm, I was shocked to hear that he'd fallen asleep. We went back to his cubby and got his Daily Chart, and then to the lunchroom to grab his lunch leftovers while he slept a little more. We saw him sleeping on his little mat as we walked by and decided to maybe let him sleep a little more while we read the write-up of his day's activities. For sentimentality's sake, I'll include what it said:

After Ben's parents left, he enjoyed the red car in the common room. About 10 minutes later, he realized that his parents left and he got upset. He found comfort in Jamie during the rest of free play. When it was time for snack, he stood away from the large group and started playing with the star ball.

(at this point I started to cry while reading...)

Halfway through snack, he was willing to come sit down and eat with the rest of the kids while things were quiet.
10:30 - Instead of doing art with his group, Ben went to music with Sandy and found a good seat close to Michelle. He got a little distracted during class, so Michelle gave him a drum to hold and he loved it. He really enjoyed music and the play!
11:30 - Ben did circle time with his group. They sung songs and played instruments with David and Gina. He would have random meltdowns but just for a few minutes.
12:30 - Ben's group had storytime in the common room. Ben sat on Christi's lap and listened to all the stories and even started to doze off.
1:00 - The kids had a late lunch in the art room. Ben ate with the rest of the kids and was very calm. He didn't talk with the other children but was very focused on his lunchbag.

(and then the tears really flowed when I read that... I had to try really, really hard to keep my composure. I didn't want to be 'that mother' who cries in the reception area on her son's first day...)

2:00 - Ben laid down at naptime.
2:15 - Ben fell asleep
3:00 - pickup

I write this blog for Ben, in the hopes that he'll read it someday and will know how much he means to us and how hard we tried with him, so forgive me in the next few sentences while I sound like I feel as though I'm the only parent who's ever dropped their child off at 'school'. I know that I'm going through a regular parenting thing, but I just want Ben to know how we felt on this day.

I can't explain it. Today was a new experience for me. I love him so, so much that there aren't really words to explain how I'm feeling. All I know is that when I pictured him there at school, standing away from everyone, shy or uncomfortable or wondering where we were, I lost it. And picturing him staring at his lunch bag, rather than feeling comfortable enough to interact with the other kids - it kills me. He is a sensitive kid and sometimes I wish for his sake that he were gregarious and outgoing. I don't want to change who he is - I just think that, like all parents, I hate the idea of my child being sad, or uncomfortable, or lonely.

Ok. I'm making myself cry all over again. Tomorrow we're going to do this again and I know that dropoff will be tricky. I will be 'praying like a bishop' - as my mother in-law says - that things go alright. For now, I'm drained.

The staff was nice enough to take some pictures of Ben during the day, and here are two.