Ben can be a real jerk.

So I know being a mom is a thankless job. For the past three months I’ve known that, but I don’t mind.

This morning I was reminded of that fact again.

Last night Ben woke up for his 2:30am feeding. I went into his room and picked him up to shush him. I shouldn’t say being his mom is completely thankless - there’s nothing quite like being able to quiet him down just by holding him. It’s pretty amazing. I like to think it’s because he loves me sooo much, but in reality I think he just knows that I’m The Food Lady. Sigh.

Anyway. He wouldn’t go back to sleep after his 2:30 feeding. I was up with him all night, which is fine. At 5, I was tired of worrying about waking Chris up with the pacing and Ben’s snorting, and I went downstairs with Ben. I sat with him on the couch and watched the news on mute, futilely (is that even a word? I don’t know) attempting to use Jedi Mind Tricks to make him go to sleep, already.

He eventually slept for 45 minutes and woke up again at 6:45, hungry. He was hungry because he really enjoys throwing up nearly his entire meal after I feed him. I try not to take it personally, but it’s beginning to mess with my head.

So I feed him at 7 and we hang out downstairs a bit, and go up to see Dad at 7:45. I put Ben down on the bed to change him, and Chris and I are talking, and I’m feeling sorry for myself because I’m tired, and I feel like Ben doesn’t like me, and other fatigue-induced things like that. And what does Ben do?

He smiles at Chris. A real smile. Real smileS. Plural. Unsolicited smiles. Hi-Dad-I’m-so-happy-to-see-you-this-morning smiles. Interactive, engaging, personality-filled smiles.

It killed me. I’ll blame it on the fatigue, but my feelings were actually a little hurt. Ben hurt my feelings because he likes his dad more than he likes me. So today, I’m calling him a jerk.

We dropped Chris off at work and ran to Target for a minute, and Ben napped for like 10 minutes. We got home at around 10 and I have been trying to get him to sleep since then. No such luck.

And here is Ben practicing his Father-Son high-five. “High Five, Dad. You’re awesome. Mom’s totally lame.”