entry in which Liz gets verbose.

Above, Ben ponders the pacifier. I love that he is resting his chin on his fist. We’ve become those parents that find absolutely everything about our son to be the best, or the cutest, or the funniest, or the most advanced. It’s comical, really. I’m of course convinced that if he opens his mouth in a certain way, he’s smiling at me - when I know that in the grand scheme of things, he really doesn’t know how to do that yet. Chris smiles and nods and humors me when I point these things out. I’m silly.

Today we went to the NICU for Ben’s 12pm feeding. They’re trying to see if he shows any interest in me when he’s hungry. The past several times, he seems aware of me for about 10 seconds, and then falls asleep. I try to wake him up by rubbing his head, or talking to him, or moving him around. The fact of the matter is that he’s young and gets tired so easily. Everything is hard work for him, considering the fact that he wasn’t even supposed to be here yet.

Dad took his temperature and changed his diaper today, and that was fun for me to see. He’s a pro, and I’ve decided to try and make arrangements with Ben that if he’s going to ‘go’ mid-change, he will wait until Dad’s the changer. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes.

The nurse gave us a pamphlet about what it means for Ben to be moved to the intermediate wing of the NICU, and it outlines a bunch of things they’ll be working with on him there. He’s got a lot of work to do, but I’m okay with it if he takes his time. It’s interesting being a part of a process that we truly have no control over. It’s been calming in a way, knowing Ben’s in control. I’m doing what I can as his mom, and Chris is as his father, but it’s up to him when he decides to make the little milestones.

I do feel badly, though, that I’ve got a fever. I think I’ve been pushing myself. I want to see him twice a day, I wish we lived closer, and I’m trying so hard to give him the nourishment he needs from afar. That’s been tough.

I was fine earlier today and when I got home I couldn’t stop shivering. We have a pretty warm downstairs, so there’s no reason for me to be shivering. I went upstairs in our air-conditioned bedroom to nap this afternoon, and it took me forever to stop shivering and fall asleep. Since I’ve woken up, I’ve gone from shivering to sweating.

We called the NICU and asked them what to do in this instance, since we’d planned to go back for a 9 o’clock feeding. They told me to stay home and get some rest, and not to come back until I was feeling better. The funny thing is that the one thermometer we have was for the dog, and I’ve used it, um, rectally to take her temp. So we’ll wait until tomorrow to take my temp. I’m looking forward to the rest tonight, to not having to be out of the house for 2.5 hours.

Chris has been taking such good care of me and showing the patience of a saint. I think his leg muscles will be in terrific shape when this is all said and done, from standing up over and over again. It’s almost like doing squats. The second he sits down, I remember I need something, so he has to get up and get it. He made me mac and cheese today for lunch, and oatmeal later on when I wanted some. He’s been keeping me hydrated, and taking care of me, and anticipating what I need, all with a smile on his face.

This is really long-winded, isn’t it?

Wednesday morning, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop Reif are coming over to help us get a little more organized. We’re so thankful for the help, and we’re also looking forward to spending some time with them. Family is good.

Hopefully I’ll feel better and be able to get to the hospital for the 3pm feeding on Wednesday. Keep us all in your thoughts, if you wouldn’t mind.

And finally, the last point I’d like to make. I worry that people wonder why I’m not returning phone calls and emails these days. I worry that people will think, “She’s got time to update the blog, why is there no time to call me/email me back?”

I want to let everyone know that I’m not trying to be a recluse; I’m just so incredibly exhausted. The truth of the matter is that one beautiful perk of doing this website is that I usually compose my entries during the middle of the night. I have to be up anyway to try and collect some nourishment for Ben, and writing really helps me to stay awake. It’s a nice distraction and something I look forward to.

So please be patient with us and know that we love hearing from everybody and everyone’s words and encouragement have really been an integral part of helping us have a positive outlook. Thank you!

With that, I’m going to try and write some thank you notes. Wish me luck. :)